This post might not mean anything to anyone but me and that’s okay. But I had a moment today and I kinda want that moment to keep living, keep lasting.
I’d been at the park all morning with my girls and come home to them being tired and grumpy. The things that I’d mentally expected to be accomplished by my husband at home weren’t done and my son with the ear infection has been battling a fever all week and was clingy. For some reason, the beautiful collision of all those things at once found me snapping.
I don’t like myself when I snap. I yelled to my husband that I was leaving, grabbed my purse, and left. That definitely wasn’t the good moment.
I started driving and I noticed the hill behind our house. I’ve looked at that hill every day for two years now but I’ve never climbed it. And I remember how, in the scriptures, men would climb mountains to be closer to God. And that’s what I wanted. I drove as high as I could, through the neighborhoods and then I parked on a service road that dead ended. It wasn’t actually a very high hill and it only took me 15 minutes to get as high as I could. But I prayed outloud and poured out my frustrations and anxieties to Him.
During one moment where my eyes were closed I found myself still enough to hear the birds chirping and the bees flying past. I could hear the slight wind. When I opened my eyes I saw several beautiful butterflies and even a startled rabbit. (Truth be told, I also freaked myself out that maybe there was a rattle snake, but there wasn’t!).
Nothing resolved itself while I was up there. All the same frustrations and anxieties that I’d run from only an hour earlier were still the same frustrations and anxieties that I would have to face when I got home.
But that moment of pure peace and beauty, surrounded by things that God created…that settled my heart and my mind.
On the way back down the rocky trail I noticed this beautiful flower. Pale blue, tiny blossoms. And the thought came to me that I can be that flower. My rocks and dirt might be dry and difficult to grow in- my trials might be overwhelming, but sometimes that produces the most beautiful flowers, the best opportunities for growth.
I feel so blessed lately, I can count my blessings tangibly. But somehow they keep getting clouded by the every day trials of life. I’m glad I got a few moments to recenter myself and catch that beauty before heading back home, ready to continue facing the mundane challenges of every day life.