My son’s Fontan procedure is scheduled for only 10 days from now.
For the first few weeks after getting the surgery date my mind was spinning with trying to figure out what I’d need. I knew I needed help with meals and babysitting. But how much? When? Who?
But I wasn’t coming up with good, solid solutions to any of my significant issues so eventually I decided to ignore it. Until a few days ago when I realized “oh crap, I have two weeks…” Most people need two weeks notice if they are going to help babysit for several days.
So I started thinking. I think I made a few good decisions. I decided I’m asking for help from my church with meals for about 10-12 days after the surgery. I figured that cutting out meal planning, shopping, and meal preparation will be a huge benefit to my husband when he’s home with the kids.
Then I decided the biggest time I need help with babysitting is the day before, day of, and day after my son’s surgery. I’ve been working on getting help there but there are specific complications with that.
I have mentally started packing our bags, jotting a few notes down. I’ve started mentally drawing up some to-do lists of things that HAVE to happen before I’m gone for a couple of weeks. I’ve started prepping my kids, giving them brief explanations of what is going to happen.
I’ve told my son exactly what we are going to be doing in terms that I think he can understand. We are going to the hospital. The doctors are going to check that he is healthy. The doctors are going to help him fall asleep and then they are going to fix his heart. When he wakes up mommy and daddy will be there. He is probably going to hurt a little bit but we can give him medicine to help him feel better. We are going to stay at the hospital until he feels better.
But he keeps thinking I’m talking about his birthday. He gets excited and shouts “Birthday! Mine?!” So, I hope I’m getting something across to him and he won’t be totally shocked when this all happens.
I go back and forth thinking that we are going to struggle with tons of complications, that we are going to struggle with set backs that are stupid or even dangerous. I’ve even (in hearing stories online) had a fear that I’ll suddenly have CPS called in and have the rights to my son taken away from me because some doctor somewhere doesn’t like something he sees. Then I’ll think that things will go so smoothly that we’ll be home after only a week, that I’ll have people saying “oh, thats it? That wasn’t a big deal”, or that I’ll feel stupid for thinking that I need as much support as I’ve lined up.
I do trust that God has this under control. I’m not worried over my son’s life or over the doctor’s skill. I’m just worried about stuff…in general. And I’m thinking that anyone who has ever gone through something as big as this will understand. You know it’ll work out, but there’s always something to worry about!